Sunday Gospel Comment
Alberic Jacovone OSB
YEAR B SIXTH SUNDAY OF EASTER - 25.5.03 Acts 10,25-26.34-35.44-48; 1 Jn 4,7-10; Jn 15,9-17 Can
you love someone you hate?
Can
you win this ‘200-to-one bet’? The language of today’s Gospel
(as indeed in all Ch.15) is more than strongly ex- hortative. It forces us to ask:
why is Jesus made to speak so forcefully? what hidden issues & what deeply divided
relationships are addresses? We are told to love, but can we love a person who will always
fail to love us in return? In situations of extreme disappointment, is it possible
-& worth- to chose to love without counting hurt & cost knowing that the choice to
‘remain-in-love’is still the best option, when the other (or others) hate us and we feel
deeply hurt and hate ourselves and all our life for it? Sadly, situations as hurting as these
are not rare in life; all of us have in our past life come to such depths of personal anguish
& lack of self-esteem. Of course, in all extreme situa- tions the easy way out is to cut
off and break the relationship; and if people take this option it makes sense, even
if we have to cope with the tragic realization that we are a failure. However, the
strong words of today’s Gospel and the example of Jesus, suggest that there is, even in
extreme and deeply hurting situations, one last option, to try in the hope of rescuing
& restoring, the relationship. This option doesn’t come from an imposing ‘do or die’
mind-set; on the contrary, it is based on the conviction that our love relationship is
worth saving, & a last attempt is worth trying, if indeed our relationship was, and is
precious. To even attempt this option, requires a lot of faith in God, deep personal
motivation, humble trust and profound self worth: when all attempts at understanding
-one after the other- are shut in our face, there is still this one last door to try and live
with dignity. Love
makes the difference The goal of all relationships is
to attain self-esteem, security, self worth & significance. But often we seek it, by
manipulating each other in many subtle ways, at subconscious level, expecting others to feel
as we do or do as we ask, so that
our emotional needs are fulfilled. We fail to
realize, that no matter how much we give our best to others, that alone will not guarantee
love in return. So we need to deal gently with the real risk of our own unmet needs, when we
do our best. And we need to see if there are some other better ways to get our
needs met. In turn, this will enhance our security, esteem & faith in people & will
heal past wounds. The instinctive qualities of our emotions differ greatly from the choices
we make. Jesus offers us a love which is: sacrificial, has a loftier goal, works for
the satisfaction of giving rather than receiving, with- out expectations of immediate
returns. In this life, we humans need the qualities above mentioned: security &
significance, self-esteem & self-worth. Since we are all open and vulnerable with each
other, the secret is how to attain to these qualities without the love-expectations in
word and deed from the people around us. The sad reality is that every time in
our love relationships, we imply or worse still, demand an expectation of immediate
adherence or obedience, this attitude is never received as a neutral act, but as a very
negative act that can create deep misunderstandings. A
reflection : today, ask yourself: right now,
what am I passionate about? how forcefully do I expect my view
to be met? Then, read today’s Gospel.
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